Koko, I Miss You!
You're there, and i'm here. Gosh, i just miss you so much. It's been more than a month since i last saw you and it feels..weird. I'm glad we still had those mini sarcastic spats when we last saw each other. Just like old times eh. Chatting with you just now made me miss you so much more. I'm just glad you were able to listen and understand. I'm sorry if i ever did anything stupid, it's just that sometimes you can't control it and you have to do whatever it takes to get rid of that feeling.
What you said just now actually kinda made me cry. It made me realise what i did and how much it has affected others. Our convo went like this:-
ven: what happen to you?
me: i was just going through a hard time.
ven: did u hurt yourself?
me: i did. if you see the pic properly, my wrist is alil red. i tried cutting myself but it just couldn't bleed.
me: i did it a few times but i still didn't bleed.
ven: because
ven: you were holding back.
ven: you were still sane.
ven: i also tried that before.
ven: but i was just crazy.
ven: haha
ven: but you're still young.
ven: so maybe you're not used to these situations.
ven: just toughen up la.
ven: it's like that.
ven: don't take it too hard on yourself.
me: nobah, its just that i feel very protected and loved around her.
me: thats why not talking to her is the hardest thing and her being angry at me for no reason just hurts me alot.
ven: you can't depend on other people.
ven: but let other people depend on you.
ven: because you should be strong.
me: i tried, i really did. but there's just sometimes where i can't take it.
me: last night was the first time i did that.
ven: aiya
ven: think la.
ven: all of you are young.
ven: you know like you don't friend me, i don't friend you. (lol koko)
ven: very immature.
me: yea, i know.
me: but still. you can't stop a feeling from happening.
ven: you can.
ven: just be strong.
me: i want to. i seriously want to.
me: i've been hiding my feelings inside everytime you know.
ven: maybe cause you're a girl as well.
me: yea, guess so. and also the fact that i bruise easily lol.
ven: aiya
ven: at least you learn something from it.
ven: as long as nothing bad happens.
ven: it's part of growing up.
ven: =)
me: yea, i guess it is.
ven: just don't do anything stupid la.
me: yea, i wont anymore.
me: i promise.
me: anyway, i gtg now.
me: take care.
ven: ok
ven: you take care too.
me: and thanks for understanding and listening.
me: love ya.
me: *hugs*
ven: love you too.
ven: take care of yourself.
ven: call me if you need anything.
ven: don't be scared.
me: thanks, i will.
I was kinda crying during that convo. I never had that kind of conversation with my brother before and having it just made me feel relieved in a way. It shows that he does care what i'm going through though he's not around to show it. We never actually said "love you" to each other before so it felt, well, loved in a way. We both have been going through some tough times so being there for each other at moments like these are what's important most. After all, we are family.
*with teary eyes* Koko, i seriously miss you so much. Thanks again for understanding and listening and giving me 'grown up' advice. To the others, i'm sorry if my actions have hurt you in any way. I won't do it again, pinky promise.
Koko, i seriously miss you so much!
Labels: convo, family, happenings, hurt, life, missing you
< OLDER POSTS
. NEWER POSTS >
